I’d mainly say the page is way too busy. Now this page may be at a disadvantage because perhaps the pages before it setup everything so it makes more sense. I know it’s all mainly talking heads on this page, but there are tricks of camera angles and gesturing that make the reader’s eye go from on panel to the next. Speaking on panels, what is with the circle one? It disrupts the flow of the other panels and I couldn’t honestly tell you where it was suppose to be in the sequence of things. It just overlaps every other panel practically and it has this black tail that I thought was like an arrow or balloon tail but I couldn’t follow it.

Also, it’s good you put in an establishing shot of the cafeteria (or library), but it’s a bit small and un-detailed enough to where it doesn’t do its job. I can understand if you were pressed for space, and if that was the case maybe a few more caption boxes would have helped in setting things up. Words can help state minor details that aren’t as visually important to the story.

I was pressed for time because our senior editor couldn't make up her mind about how many pages we'd have to work with, making it difficult for us to come up with a concrete plan for the layout of the whole comic. I was also pressed for space because we ended up with fewer pages than we would have hoped for.

I also didn't bother with too much detail in the first panel because the previous pages had already introduced the setting. That panel was more for the purpose of shifting focus from the group of people emphasized in the previous page to the characters being dealt with on my page.

Anywho, panel flow is definitely something I have to work on. I can never tell when I've failed to establish it because, obviously, the progression makes perfect sense to me; so I'm happy you pointed that out. Speaking of those subtle "tricks," could you fill me in on any common ones? It doesn't exactly come naturally to me, so feel free to give me the for-dummies treatment. :)

As for the circle panel, I was in an eccentric mood. It's meant to be read second to last. And the "tail" is actually the end of the whip the dude in the last panel is holding in his hand. Not the best idea to have props obscured, was it?

Okay here are some tips for moving the reader from panel to panel.

1. Arrange the word balloons so that first one is in the top left and the next one is to the bottom right. I know there’s a lot of manga readers, but we still read left to right and then top to bottom. So all your “tricks” really should be leading the reader’s eye that way.
2. Movement of the characters can do this as well. You can have characters look to the next panel or gesture in that direction.
3. Us smaller transitional panels. If someone is going to throw a snowball for example, you can use a quick small panel to show a hand digging and then the next panel you can have the full character throwing it (and it’s okay to have it hitting in the same panel). The small panel alone would be confusing, but the next panel clarifies it well. Also this give the illusion of someone bending down, scooping the snow, and packing it in their hand. Always give enough information so the reader can easily assume what is happening.
4. Caption Boxes. If you change settings, or you have a generic looking setting (like say a grove of trees). It’s easier to use a simple caption box to explain the area quickly, and also setup what the reader can expect in the area. This good if you strapped for page space and can’t show several panels of save happy animals in the woods or say evil monsters in the woods. It’s easier to just say things like “And then they traveled to the Happy-go-lucky Forrest Huck!” or “And then the pathetic souls found themselves trapped in the dreaded Haunted Woods”. Also you can use it to surprise the reader by saying things like they’re going to the Haunted woods and then show the happy animals.
5. The panel shapes themselves can direct the eye. The traditional 3 by 3 (so 9 panels in a grid format) is very useful for talking scenes because it forces the Left to Right, Top to Bottom fairly easy. Or you can have a Panel start in the upper left and go down toward the bottom right in a sort of slash. Say you used a slash panel of a action shot of someone throwing a pie at someone (the thrower would be in the upper left and the victim in the bottom right.) you can use the unused space of the Upper Right corner (that’s not used because of the slash panel) can be a triangle shaped panel of a reaction shot of the victim and the bottom left corner can be a triangle shot can be a reaction shot of the glee of the pie thrower. That way you have dynamic panels (as in not squares) but still fit it all into a normal rectangle of space.

And of course with rules and guidelines they can always be broken, adjusted, twisted, to fit a story or art or whim. As long as it works for the reader there’s nothing wrong. But I would suggest study the basics of paneling so that way you know how to deconstruct them and make your panels. Kind of like all artists should know basic anatomy so they have a frame work to adjust and stylize the human form in their art.

Great stuff, David. I'll try to incorporate those principles into my work in the future (probably verbatim until I get the hang of it).

I take it this is just the kind of discourse you'd like to see more of on MP, ne? ^_~

Well more than just me rambling, yes :)

Oh another thing that helps me with panels, is counting the panels in a regular comic book (manga or US). It give me a feel for how much room I have to play with on a page. But then I script panel by panel so I have an idea of how it all flows on the page. This in turns of course gives me the flow page to page.

That's another thing I have trouble with: scripting. I'm used to writing in essay format, so dialogue isn't my forte.

But practice makes perfect, etc, etc. Thanks again. ;)

Well with dialogue there are a couple of easy tricks with that. One is slang, but you have to keep the slang consistent to the character. If your character says things like “Now wait just cotton picken minute” they can’t say things like “Yo, yo, yo, bozy, we be all up in that”. What a safer form of slang is one that you come up with your self. You can easily explain it as an odd regional thing, or even a small social or family slang (Like how a lot of families have a lot different names for their grandmothers). Great thing about an “original” slang, no one can dispute it’s proper use because no one knows it.

Kind along slang is quotes. A character can show is taste in music (which helps define the character) by using song quotes in appropriate situations. Fair Use laws state you can use small quotes (just can’t use over a majority of a song’s lyrics).

Another easy trick is just changing some letters. Like say all the character’s pronouns and verbs are said with the letter A replacing the letter E. So for example “I don’t think thay like ma much”. This is a good easy way to simulate a southern accent of sorts.

Remember, dialogue is a prime source of characterization (and it’s the easiest considering the other forms of characterization are expression, action and reaction). Even if your character doesn’t say much that still speaks a lot about your character.