Lexy's blog

I'm breaking up with my boyfriend... x__0

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 20:12:38 -0500

And it just might kill me. x.x

I've been with him for over a year. And I love him, I really do.

So why am I breaking up with him?: He can't make me happy. I know he wants to. He's just... x.x not right. He's happy with me, but either he's incapable of fulfilling my needs or is just an ass and not even trying. Actually, I asked him, and he said it was probably a bit of both. So. x.x

I'm not sure how I'm feeling about this right now. I know it can't work and that being with him won't let me become the person I want to be or end up where I want to end up, but I still love him. A lot. I know I come off as a naive and clueless teenager that doesn't know a thing about love to almost everyone. I'm sure that there's a lot I have to learn, and that I probably don't know that much. But I do know that I'm in love with him. And I can't help but wonder, if just realizing that he isn't the one hurts this badly, how painful is losing him going to be?

Wow. @.@

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 15:04:26 -0600

Lots and lots and lots and lots of missed stuff, eh? @.@

Erm, well... I'm back. I think. I hope so. =/ There was a reason for my hiatus, I assure you of that. Things got really busy around here, but I don't want to go into it now. I'll be here till Christmas, and then I'm gone for a while. x__x But then I'm back for good, so all is swell. ^.^

I can't decide whether or not it would be a lost cause to go back and read everything. @.@

Suicidal?

Fri, 6 Oct 2006 19:53:26 -0500

I've pretty much lost my incentive to live, and I don't know how to find it again. I'm not telling my parents or my psychiatrist... I don't want to go back on depression meds or to the mental ward. My two best friends (Liam & Sinead) already know, but one of them's pretty much causing it and there isn't much the other can do. I kind of feel like everything around me's crashing and burning, and I don't know how to fix it.

All I know is, I want out. =/

Lexy's Whereabouts... HmmMmmMmm...

Mon, 25 Sep 2006 15:52:42 -0500

To be honest, I can't remember when my hiatus started. o__o I'll assume it was just before I started school... so I was MIA for a month. xO I really don't know what happened. Time got all screwed around with when school started again, and there've been parties, football games, etc...

Anywho. Since you last saw me I've started school again. It could be going smoother... I've already stayed home four days this month, today included. o.o I've had massive sleeping issues... either I can't fall asleep, or I can't sleep enough. Maybe it's the quality of it... I can be dormant for ten hours, wake up, and still be completely exhausted. I don't think I've ever had a good night's sleep in my life. I think it's just my natural cycle, but my parents want to put me back on the meds that didn't work. Grawr. I'm taking enough of them as it is, I don't need something to knock me out if I still wake up tired.

My mom bought me a hookah. O__O

Mon, 21 Aug 2006 09:17:57 -0500

Then again, I don't think she knows what it is. I don't get it; she's terrified of teenage drinking and parties, but we go to her friend's apartment to watch the Air and Water show... and she dumps me in a back room with about ten guys sitting around a pipe and it's fine an' dandy. Argh.

Then again, it was fun... some of the guys I didn't know thought I was their age. =P Height has its advantages. And none of them were bad looking... ^_^

But about the pipe thing... nyaah. I don't know. It's pretty, but I can't see myself using it. >__> Well, maybe... I don't know. I tried the one at Sasha and Emil's (the sons of my mom's friend) house and had a coughing fit. The flavored tobacco's nasty. xO I guess I'll stick to my Marlboros.

Rollercoasters and WOW Dorks: A Dream Come True?

Tue, 1 Aug 2006 22:02:16 -0500

Mwahaha... yes. So, Sinead (who you've all undoubtedly encountered by now, right? ;O) and I wandered on over to Six Flags the other day to add to our Best Friends Resume. The fact that we actually got there alone was quite amazing, really... this is the first time my parents have actually dropped me off somewhere where there was a possibility of me being raped. o__o Anyway.

We get there after a minor ticket discrepancy (Sinead turned out to have season passes ten minutes after I bought the tickets online T__T), and proceed to the nearest smoking secion to light up a smoke... yeah, yeah, we're gonna die and go to hell. Moving on. After being glared at rather condescendingly by an old Indian lady in a sari, I went and lost my Superman virginity. <3 (-cough- It's the new rollercoaster. -cough-) I managed to put my sandals in the cubbyhole before it took off; I didn't want to lose another pair! :O And, before you ask, yes, it is all it is cracked up to be. Superman, that is... not losing your sandals, in a mosh pit or otherwise.

I Lost My Concert Virginity <3

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 04:04:21 -0500

Yes... to AFI. And it was freaking awesome.

I went with one of my bestest friends in the world, Sinead (I'm gonna try to get her to come on this site; she's a lot like me, only more... erm... I dunno, fiesty?). We picked her up, rocked out to AFI's new CD Decemberunderground (which I shall critique at a later time), and then sped on over to Blind Faith Cafe for a light dinner.

Blind Faith's an AMAZING all vegetarian/vegan restaurant in Evanston. Seriously, the tofu is to die for. And so is the pizza. As is, as we found out, the setan fingers. Yes. Setan fingers. And it's pronounced the way you'd hope, my friends. So I had the teriyaki grilled tofu and a vanilla shake. She had a Caesar salad and a root beer. I managed to wrestle the can away from her to keep; it was pretty. We shared chips and guacamole and salsa as an appetizer, and our waiter would be astonishinly cute, were it not for the rather sizeable pimple protruding from the middle of his forehead.

This can't be healthy.

Sun, 18 Jun 2006 01:14:13 -0500

I directly pasted this from another site, so the chatbox thing doesn't make sense, but whatever. I don't want to alter it.

---

I think I might stop talking to my best friend... I started talking about this in the chatbox, but it got confusing, and so I'm posting it here because I want advice and because I need to vent. SO. I'm just going to start unrestrained from the beginning, and not stop until today. Here goes...

We met (online) way back in September, which may not seem like a very long time, but can also be an eternity...

Crap, I'm already sounding like a teen romance novel. Whatever. Lets stick to current events?

OMG!

Mon, 5 Jun 2006 21:22:48 -0500

http://jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/html/20060604t230000-0500_106198_obs_another_tiara__last_year_s_tickets_and_guess_who_.asp

That's my cousin's wedding (which is where I was last week :P)!! They got Dema and Misha mixed up, though. :/ Oh well. Those are the guys I got drunk with for the first time! :D

Manga is NOT anime!

Wed, 10 May 2006 16:44:33 -0500

Ugh. I just got in a HUGE fight with my guitar teacher. Funnily enough? It had nothing to do with guitar, or any kind of music, for that matter.

So. He started off teaching me how to play Paint It Black by The Rolling Stones... after we ran through the opening a few times, I said, "Hey! This sounds a lot like one of Sally's songs in The Nightmare Before Christmas!" He turns to me with a ludicrous look on his face.

"What the hell is The Nightmare Before Christmas?" Now it's my turn to look at him ludicrously.

"You've NEVER heard of The Nightmare Before Christmas?! It's the best movie ever!"

FEMALE ORGAN QUESTION: Should I see a doctor?

Thu, 27 Apr 2006 21:31:30 -0500

...or at least tell my mom? Even though that would be extremely awkward, and I have enough trouble talking about the weather with her. T_T

Okay, so anyway... on to the awkward-silence-inducing question. So, y'know that clitoris thingymcbob (up until a few days ago I thought that was the urethra T_T now I'm wondering where the urethra actually is)? So, if I push down on it with my finger(s), or rub it, or basically touch it with anything but minimal pressure, my legs kind of spasm. Y'know, twitch. I think I brought this up before, but it won't go away. It's not just the odd twitch. It happens consistently, and makes me extremely uncomfortable when it does. Mainly the spasm runs up along the bottom of the middle of my thigh and then shoots down to the knee. It can get very uncomfortable, and when I do have sex, I don't want it to happen.

Shoes that come in size 12 are awesome.

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 21:55:00 -0600

http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/6478014/c/5291/g/women/s/15.html

Look at them. Worship them. -cough- Buy me them.

Honestly, I might be in love with those shoes. I think I stared at them for about twenty minutes just taking in their perfection. I really want to get them. They'd go perfectly with the Halloween costume I'm planning (sexified circus ringleader xD), and could also be worn to formal events. My cousin's getting married in a couple months... but damn, the reception's in the afternoon. ;-; Not a good time to wear velvet suede pumps. I'll probably have to pay the whole $500 myself if I do get them, but I'm not so sure it's worth it...

Not many birds...

Thu, 23 Mar 2006 21:55:05 -0600

...but I may be getting a cat. x)

When I went back to school after lunch, he was sitting on the lawn. A bunch of little kids ran up to him and were like, "KITTY KITTY KITTY!" and scared him into the street, where he almost got hit by a car. So he ran back on to the lawn, and hid from the little kids under a thick bush thingy. So... I went over and managed to coax him out. He let me pick him up, and he had a collar with one of those "If lost, call 1-800..." tags. So I brought him into school, and one of the teachers let me use a spare room to call the number... and an automated voice directed me to another number, where it was $4 a call. o_o So... our Superintendent made me take it outside because of allergies. But I was allowed to call my Mom to come pick him up and hold him until we found the owner. So here he is... a big orange fluffball that I'm growing to love. He and my dog don't seem to mind eachother. ^^

I'm Going to Whine.

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 15:21:22 -0600

Put up with it.

WTF is wrong with her?!? She won't let me watch Saw because she fears it will give me nightmares. I haven't gotten nightmares since second grade! And then she lets my EIGHT YEAR OLD SISTER watch AUSTIN POWERS?! WHAT THE FRICK IS UP WITH HER PRIORITIES?!?! It makes no sense!! And I wasn't even allowed to watch Austin Powers until I was in sixth grade!! Freaking whore!!

Ugh. I'm angry. >.<

Oooh, Lexy's Birfday!

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 12:28:59 -0600

...was today. :3 The day is young... I wore a crown to school and am making people carry me to and from classes. XD

Two of my friends woke up at six o'clock this morning to come to my house to help me celebrate. It was unbelieveably sweet. -huggles them- They decorated my locker, too. :D

Heehee, two years until I can drive. >=)